Detox first few days.....

AS i looked around i saw the differing natures of the various conditions the other patients whom i was to be sharing the ward with suffered from. After some tentative conversations i learnt these ranged hugely from paranoid schizophrenia, delusions and psychotic episodes, mania, BPD, aspergers, dementia and lil old me with my opie with drawals, being the addict i am of course i cut right down but then upped my using for the  last 3 days before entry how typical lol.
For the first few days it was as if time its very self stood still, they gave me no opitae substitute and 2.5mg of diazepam by which time totally sleep deprived and in pain i was ready to leave. Then I was assessed by a wonderful psychiatrist, I was so desperate and he was so good looking and charming I felt the urge to lower my top provocatively and bat my eye lash extensions at him!! Oh dear gripped by total insanity what a joke he must have thought i was, leaning in seductively being overly interested in his every word! He seemed to play along though and mentioned if we met up abroad (where my family live) we would be breaking no rules by us going out for dinner. Anyway needless to say he upped my doses and the Valium increased to 40mg a day, nitrazepam 10mg to sleep, quinine for RLS , loperamide, buscopan, periazine for anxiety, and trazadone for depression So needless to say I was a much happier bunny! And things with the help of a few dyhydrocodine i took in for emergencies it was an ok-ish detox apart from the lack of sleep which was to be expected anyway..I shuffled about drawling over fellow patients which I made friends with quite quickly it was only a 25 bed ward each with a private room and communal facilities. I managed tai kw on do and mindfulness most days but felt very weak, faint and unsteady on my feet. I spent hours a day soaking in their huge bath tubs or under the showers i was very grateful for them indeed! Having modelled for 10 years on and off i started to take some pride in my appearance again and enjoyed a proper beauty routine. My lil boy settled in and is seeming to be content and happy at my families and visited several times. Im off to proper rehab on monday but praying they will admit me as i was discharged early (which wasn't part of the original plan) and i have used 3 times, tiny amounts but never the less, so ridiculous as if i could control it in any shape or form i wouldn't be in such trouble and wanting help so bad!! I need to provide a clean urine specimen on admission and with only 4 days im not sure it will be possible, i know this is all my fault and wish i wasn't an addict but i am.

Detox psych styleeee

Well finally I was admitted to an acute psych ward to begin my opiate detox, but what was meant to be a britlofex (lofexidine) turned into a nightmare due to my extreme low blood pressure. In the end each dose was denied to me as was deemed too dangerous.

Cold, shivering and frightened i turned up at the ward with all my luggage literally shaking with anticipation of the unexpected as it was a new way id never before tried. I said my goodbyes to parents and children and in i went through the secure doors!! OMG I was refused entry as the date was put back for the 4th time, i returned  home devastated and disappointed i felt so deflated having being all hyped up for the date.
So back i went yet again yet 3 days later having barely unpacked my things from the previous visit and finally was shown to a dirty but clinical room.