Bolloxxxxx

This is unbelievable they have put back my detox date for the 4th time!! Dont they realise they are fuking with my childrens heads?? We had it all planned for tomorrow morning, had cleared out some of my house, taken 2 car loads to the charity place and 1 to cash 4 clothes lol. Started the mamouth task of moving all the toys from my place to my parents place, and there are 2 large rooms FULL of them. My youngest knows something is happening but we are managing to keep him settled with the useful distractions of halloween and christmas, and as a lovely treat I took him to that huge rip off that we call the 'build-a-bear' workshop. I have to say though I was bloody impressed by said bear building, it was a truly enjoyable experience for us both and I recorded my voice saying a special message for him when he squeezes its paw, and we paid extra for a beating heart, boots, clothes and a hat! So expensive, but so sweet.
Im still fuming a bit at the news, but putting it in perspective, i will only have to wait a few more days, i now have more time to finish sorting the house and can pack slowly, settle kids in over weekend and spend some quality time with family and friends so thats all good, its just i want this to be as smooth as possible for my family who were all geared up for the morning, and we had all run ourselves ragged trying to get everything ready!
On a addict note....As i thought i was detoxing from the morning I left myself with NO opiates! I really dont want to make the 200 mile roundtrip to score more heroin, cant be bothered, but i know its total shit locally,. I only need  4-5 days worth, a few grams would do, ive already tried to buy pills and had no luck. I fully intended to be with drawing on admission to speed things up which is why im now in this situation i have left myself with nothing!! Unbelievably i can cop crack right now, no problemo, but although very tempting it makes you feel horrid, quicker so pointless. This is so annoying, so soul destroying.

Im going to have to go on a mission (dont fear good hearted reader, kidiwinkles are not with me) to find decent gear near or in this area, enough addicts round here have habits, so they are using something strong enough to keep them addicted, so someone, somewhere must have some real stuff. Im going to welcome the beginning of a new era, where I dont have to worry about all this, and do all this, i really cant stand it now, ive had enough. When i was 24 say it didnt seem to matter in fact often times i had fun, mixed with danger and excitement of the unknown. But now? Now Im an early 30's mummy, who loves her kids, and doesnt want this to be part of her life anymore, there is no room in my life for this crap now days.

Oh well, to next tuesday, to new beginnings, a new era....this is the time 4 change.